I want to be honest with you: I feel as though the sole reason I haven't written in so long is because I have been living so truly free that words seemed cheap. Now though, I am on the precipice of moving cross-country (again) and I have some reflections to share!
Randomly ordered top five things I have learned during my time here in Texas:
Number One: I have answered the question of "Am I ready (emotionally) to date?" with a resounding (and slightly embarrassing) yes. However, first dates can be awkward even for the coolest cats, so, here is some advice:
- If you have a heart condition, take your meds with you dadgummit. Throwing up on first dates while very, very funny anecdotally, it isn't so much fun in reality.
- Don't ever let someone else's lack of intimacy or vulnerability cause you to feel negative about yourself. You are radiant and wonderful and they are an idiot if they don't treat you that way. In the same light though, don't hold their lack of intimacy against them either. Sometimes chemistry just doesn't work out.
- Ask more questions. The weirder the better is always my policy. Examples: "What is something you have always wanted to try?"(Break-dance fighting.) "You get to have a super power, but it can only be a hella lame super power. What would your power be and why?"(I would want to remember everything I have ever read. Duh.) "Who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese and a taco?"(Taco, obviously.)
Number Two: Charlie Hunnam is a total babe. This one doesn't actually hold any merit, but I have watched six seasons of Sons of Anarchy in the last month and I am totally obsessed with that bada** British babe alert. I don't regret how strongly I feel about this I mean just look at him! Look at him!
Number Three: Sometimes being alone is OK. Even when it is awful. Even when you feel like you don't deserve to be in that season anymore. The Lord is still faithful and it is His call when your season of wilderness is up. Hosea 2:14 tells us that He will lead us into the wilderness and speak tenderly to us and to our hearts. Let the wilderness in. Let the solitude lead you to hearing Him more clearly. Learn to listen to that still, small voice even when you want to scream and thrash.
Number Four: Brushing your hair is overrated. My advice? Be as free as you can possibly be in the exact moment you are in right this second. In the word we are told that where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty. They will know us by our love, yes, but they will also know us by our freedom. Take huge risks without being thwarted by the consequences. Hate your job? Quit. (Seriously. Life is too short.) Don't actually love that person you're with? Pray about it. Be respectful. Guard their heart. But, honestly, trust your instincts. No one on earth is you-er than you.
Number Five: Love yourself no matter freaking what. You are so perfect. You are so brave. You are so worth happiness. You are lionheart and my best friend Taylor has some words for you, dear one. Please know that you are not made up of everything you hate about yourself. Listen to the compliments- breathe them in deep. Start to see yourself as awesome, handsome, beautiful, and worthy. You are so very, very worthy.
As my last twenty four hours in Texas approach, I have been asked often what my most poignant lesson has been. With full conviction, it is this: the Holy Spirit does stuff. He is a freaking weirdo and it rocks. I grew up in a culture where we didn't necessarily learn that the Holy Spirit didn't exist, He just wasn't taught to be very important. I am getting to know Him and holy crap, you guys, the Holy Spirit wrecks shop. I used to believe that the Holy Spirit was that feeling I got when I would do bad things. Oh, how naive I was! It is by the cross that I boast, but it is in the Spirit that I get to claim authority! He is powerful and so, very intricate. He can make 11 total strangers have nearly identical visions years and THOUSANDS of miles away from each other. These aren't hypotheticals, this happened. Go visit my dear spirit-filled friends over at We Are Unveiled and fall in love with His sweet, unfathomable plans.
Beyond just being intricate, the Spirit puts flesh onto your broken, weary, brittle bones and commands you to breathe. He saw my meddled, mangled, broken mess as I rolled into Texas after not marrying Will. He saw my broken bones and rotting flesh and has declared it healed and whole. To the glory of His name, I truly feel this way. Let Him heal you. Even if you are so hurt and so sad that you honestly can’t stand to think about the fact that He is sovereign because your life sucks so badly at the moment that if He is in charge of the shots, then you kind of want to punch Him right in the throat. LET HIM HEAL YOU. God is the only one who can. He searches your heart and He HEALS YOUR HEART.
In wholeness, confidence, and a tiny twinge of sadness, I am moving to St. Petersburg, Florida on Tuesday. I have no job and no friends (yet) but I have family that loves me absolutely unconditionally and I am about to become the beachiest babe you know.
Wish me luck.
Pray for me.
Visit often.
Just promise me to live life as freely as freaking possible, OK? It is so worth it.
Songs of the Blog:
Tune-Yards- Water Fountain
Relient K- Chapstick, Chapped Lips, and things like Chemistry
Seryn- We Will All Be Changed
Elenowen- Flying Solo
Elenowen- Flying Solo
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.
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