Sometimes life lines up perfectly and every single day that you wake up your feet hit the floor and you feel like you are just freaking nailing it. This past season has definitely NOT been that for me. In our culture, we worship safety. We constantly sell our souls for consistency and the ability to not feel like the bottom is dropping out. Well, for the second time in the last year and a half of my life, my world has been flipped, turned upside-down. I am not sure where the Lord is taking me and I am unsure of what my next season looks like and I am kind of digging it.
I sleep best on vacation and the truth of that makes me a weirdo. Most people that I know, (shout-out to my mama) HATE sleeping anywhere but their own bed. Even the fanciest hotels or the most luxurious vacation destinations cannot provide them with the comfort that a night of rest at home makes available. I sleep best in situations that would be considered less than ideal for others. It might have something to do with the fact that I am narcoleptic, but I choose to believe that it is the Lord's strength in me. My mother has always said that the most crucial element to being a minister's wife is the ability to bloom where she is planted. I used to think she was off her rocker. Now, I am not so sure.
This season now looks totally different than I assumed it would. What I thought would be a season of rest has turned into a season of sitting, waiting, and wishing. In Genesis, we are told the story of Isaac. You might know him better with the association of the names of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, but do you know his story? Really? I thought I did, but like most of you, I associate him either with his father being instructed to kill him in faithfulness, or his son multiplying like the stars. Here's the deal, that isn't what he should be famous for. He was faithful. This is his legacy. He was unwaveringly aware that the Lord was going to provide every single step of the way. Consider this story found in verses 2:14-25:
12 Then Isaac sowed seed in that land and received in the same year a hundred times as much as he had planted, and the Lord favored him with blessings.
13 And the man became great and gained more and more until he became very wealthy and distinguished;
14 He owned flocks, herds, and a great supply of servants, and the Philistines envied him.
15 Now all the wells which his father’s servants had dug in the days of Abraham his father, the Philistines had closed and filled with earth.
16 And Abimelech said to Isaac, Go away from us, for you are much mightier than we are.
17 So Isaac went away from there and pitched his tent in the Valley of Gerar, and dwelt there.
18 And Isaac dug again the wells of water which had been dug in the days of Abraham his father, for the Philistines had stopped them after the death of Abraham; and he gave them the names by which his father had called them.
19 Now Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and found there a well of living [spring] water.
20 And the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac’s herdsmen, saying, The water is ours. And he named the well Esek [contention] because they quarreled with him.
21 Then [his servants] dug another well, and they quarreled over that also; so he named it Sitnah [enmity].
22 And he moved away from there and dug another well, and for that one they did not quarrel. He named it Rehoboth [room], saying, For now the Lord has made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.
23 Now he went up from there to Beersheba.
24 And the Lord appeared to him the same night and said, I am the God of Abraham your father. Fear not, for I am with you and will favor you with blessings and multiply your descendants for the sake of My servant Abraham.
25 And [Isaac] built an altar there and called on the name of the Lord and pitched his tent there; and there Isaac’s servants were digging a well.
If you have been following my journey, you know that the past almost entire year and a half of my life have been excruciating. Mentally and emotionally, I have been stripped bare. The Lord has been my portion, but most of my breaths felt shallow and my feet felt so unsure. Nothing I prayed for came true; that boy didn't marry me- everything hurt. Then, all of a sudden, I began to breathe deeply again. Deep breaths that hurt your lungs because they feel so good. I was so excited to enter a season of rest with the Lord. I prayed and decided to not go to seminary just yet because I just wanted to sit and breathe with Him. I was content to just be sitting.
Two weeks later, everything got upended once again. I am no longer a nanny like I have been this past year, I am a full-time preschool teacher and I just moved in with a sweet family in Fort Worth. The story I shared before about Isaac is resonating so deeply with me these days. Isaac refused to allow the circumstances around him challenge his knowledge that the Lord was going to work it out. He was thrilled to dig the well, confident that water would rise, and ready to get up and go if things began to deteriorate. He was good at the waiting. He bloomed where he was planted.
Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord." Later in the Word we are instructed to wait on the Lord “more than the watchmen wait for the morning.” Isaac could have easily and excusably given up when the people came out of nowhere and took his wells from him. Perhaps just as understandable would be the instinct to put up a huge fight. He could have justifiably said “ I PUT IN THE WORK! I DESERVE TO STAY!” Instead, he gathers his house and his wife and his mind and moves on.
What is the point in choosing to bloom where you are planted but refusing to believe that the Lord has the ability to provide the water to help you grow? My papa has been more than supportive during this whole upheaval of norms in my life and last week he drops this nugget of wisdom into my brain: “you must endure the sacrifice before you receive the blessing.” So, while I sit, and while I wait, I pray that I don’t lose sight of my ability and freedom in the Lord to wish for big things. To limit the Lord on what I believe He can lead me into over these next few months would be foolish and unwise. I might not have a clue where I am going to be resting my head come December, but I know that for now, I am going to sleep easy in my bed that isn’t technically mine knowing that the Lord who "knew the boundaries of my dwelling places before the earth was formed" is the one watering my tomorrow.
Songs of the blog:
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing- Jack Johnson
Plane- Jason Mraz
Heart of Life- John Mayer
Winter Winds- Mumford & Sons
Manhattan- Kings of Leon
