"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction." -Cynthia Occelli
The thing about living life with The Lord is that it is all about perspective- you cannot see the end from the beginning. You are not allowed to. Sometimes the beginning, middle and near-end look like complete destruction. But God (my favorite word combination in the World, by the way) never sees what we see and is not limited to what we think. Ever.
Last night, someone asked me what I would tell youth about following The Lord and learning His word. I replied, "I would tell them that Proverbs 2 promises that "wisdom shall enter your heart and knowledge shall be pleasant to you" and the Psalms promise that His precepts (the crap that you're supposed to obey, but sometimes it kind of sucks because it's the exact total opposite of what you want to do) "will be sweeter than the finest honey."
I believe that this is where it gets dirty trying to walk with The Lord. It's easy to have a "go get 'em" and "yes, Lord!" attitude when things are all neatly lining up in a row in your life. The mud and the uphill starts when everything falls apart and you are broken and angry and worn out and really freaking pissed off that God didn't answer the prayers that you were CERTAIN He would. Things get so very, very messy when you begin to crawl up that muddy hill back towards Him.
You're crawling and
crawling and
falling and
crawling and
sleeping and
running and
crying and
crawling and
crawling.
Your fingernails are dirty and falling off and your knees are bleeding and your arms are burning and your throat is raw from screaming and
you're
the
dirtiest
of
the
dirty.
That mountain- the really hard, pain in the ass mountain, is the messy stuff. When you're climbing it, it's all you see.
It is all you should see.
It is all there is.
With each step and each inch, you have the privilege to get to know a little bit more about Christ. So, you fight. You claw and scratch and dig because at the very tippy top of that mountain is the wisdom of God and the knowledge of His precepts. Wisdom and knowledge that (just before you inevitably go tumbling down that mountain to start over again) are sweeter than the sweetest honey.
He is worth it.
He is always, always worth it all.
I grew up doing mission work in Nashville and I fell in love with it. While I have every intention of visiting my beloved Nashville very soon, I am so dadgum glad that The Lord didn't listen to me when I asked for Him to send me to a big city- to my Nashville. He sent me here to Dallas- Fort Worth instead. This season of coming undone is without a doubt the hardest with Him I have ever had.
Everything hurts and
everything is good and
everything sucks and
everything needs Him.
As I claw and dig and cuss and bleed up this mountain that looks like destruction, I'm learning that He is worth it and the amount that I hate this mountain will pale in comparison to how much I love His lessons I learn from it.
I am undone.
I am chaotic.
I am messy.
He is worth it.
Songs of the blog:
Studying Politics- Emery
The Earth Falls Asleep (acoustic) -Abandon Kansas
Cripple Me- Elenowen
Such Small Hands- La Dispute
It Is Well- Bethel Music
Moving For the Sake of Motion- Underoath
