On Bringing a Knife to a Gun Fight

Several words in my (almost) twenty five years of life are tossed around to describe my personality. I have heard: fun, loud, intimidating, spunky, determined, flirty, happy, saved, crazy, and loving. I have known my entire life that the Lord blessed me with what we in the South politely call "a big personality." 

There are two descriptive words that have been haunting me lately: meek and mild. 

To me, these are desirable qualities. I would love to be able to have the personality of women I admire. They are gentle, quiet, receptive, and adorned with grace and patience. I posit that my covetousness is the Christian version of "straight vs. curled hair" debate amongst women. We see what "they" have and it makes us aware of what we "lack." 

I "lack" a gentle personality. Heck, the only thing "gentle" about me is that I am only five feet tall. I love with all I have, I hurt with all I am, and most of the time, I express my emotions with little-to-no filter. For the last three years, I have been all-together ashamed of my abrasiveness. Recently, this brain-bomb dropped: What if the trait I so wish I could alter is the thing others see and admire? 

Let's take a minute to see what the Word has to say in Luke 10: 38-42:

"As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. “Master, don’t you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand.” The Master said, “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.” (The Message)

My theory is that, like me, Mary has ADHD. Mary wasn't ignorant of her surroundings. She is aware that the house needed to be clean, the kids needed food, homework and papers were due, and the 
laundry needed to laundered. Yes, Mary was aware of those things, but, she chose to focus on the one thing her brain decided was most important- Jesus. I wish that my outbursts, procrastinations, and general Sonic the Hedgehog way of bowling through life's situations would all tie back to Christ. (Spoiler alert for my new friends: they don't.)

I believe the point to be this: some girls are Martha. They can do laundry, memorize scripture, bounce a perfect, giggling baby boy on their hip as they whip up a delightful meal for their husband right before they all do family bible study together. I KNOW those women. They are incredible, delightful, wise, and some of the greatest friends and leaders I have ever known. 

For just a moment, I would like to raise my rawkfist in solidarity for the women who can't get their crap together from one moment of life to the next. We are the dirty dishes leaving, semi-regular showering, loud, raucous bunch that roll into church as the doors are closing with wet hair, and a million emotions threatening to boil over at any moment. I'm also willing to bet, if we searched hard enough, I am certain we could find a stain or two on our dress or an old bobby pin in our hair ("WHEN DID THAT GET THERE? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WORE BOBBY PINS?!).

I have this crazy vision for women. What if instead of seeing ourselves as "less than" perhaps we could begin rejoicing in the versions of ourselves that the Lord declares to be lovely? 

"Your God is present among you,
    a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love
    and delight you with his songs." Zepheniah 3:17 (The Message)

This passage is so powerful. Hear this, daughters (and sons) of the king: your God is present among you. 

He is right there in the middle of your hot mess. 

He is just as much there on the days where by miracle of miracles you pretty much have all your crap together. He is there on mornings that you just can't get out of bed because to get out of bed would mean having to accept that your life still isn't exactly what you want and sometimes the pain of this realization makes it hard to remember how to breathe. He is there on days when divine appointments lead to having a really, really fun day right smack dab in the middle of your jacked up emotions. He is THERE when you are sad. He is THERE when you are so mad at Him that you could scream from the rooftops that you just don't understand his plan this time. He is there in the waiting. He is there in the joy. He is there on the days when you are delighted to be alive, and he is there on the days when death seems like an acceptable trade-off for the grief. 

Beyond all the differences between one personality type and the other, I encourage you, friends, begin to ask the Lord to reveal how He sees you. 

You are LOVELY. 
You are BLESSED. 
You are REDEEMED. 
You are DELIGHTFUL. 
You are WORTHY. 
You are SAVED. 

If only for a moment, don't see your personality, testimony, lack-of knowledge, or appearance as a burden. Strive to see yourself as His betrothed, beloved, accepted Bride. He loves us exactly as we are and through HIS sanctification the areas that need refining to better glorify Him will get there over time. 

Dear ones, sit in the calmness that comes from the knowledge that trying to fit in to tiny little boxes of what other people are doing is a lot like bringing a knife to a gun fight when you have a strong Warrior mighty, able, and willing to save you.




Songs of the blog:
Creating Something Out of Nothing, Only To - Norma Jean
Awake My Soul- Derek Webb
Saints Heart in a Sinner's Skin- Sean McConnell
Song of the Lamb- Harvest Bashta
Mighty Warrior- Rick Pino
Maybe You Can Love Me Anyway- Sean McConnell